Friday, July 28, 2006

What Kind of Food Are You?

Ok, I did it. Here I am a college graduate (don't all supermarkets have great need of a person with a BA in Biblical Studies?), a middle-age mom who has stayed home with her kids for 11 years ...and I'm as nervous as a skinny teenager looking for her first job!

After asking my hubby SEVERAL times if I looked OK, I drove to the store and asked for my friend, the Store Director. Now, you have to understand that this is really a friend. He's not just a casual acquaintance. This is the husband of one of my dearest friends. We've only known each other for about 9 months, but we've all hit it off. We have worshipped, prayed, studied the Bible, played games, gone to movies, played volleyball, and eaten together. Our kids are best buds. My husband is going to Promise Keepers with him in a couple of weeks. I have great respect for this man. What I'm saying is, this shouldn't have been a hard thing. I had pre-warned him I was going to do this and he was great. WHY AM I SWEATING AND FEELING SO AWKWARD?

He smiles as he comes out of the office and says he's sorry to tell me he has no applications left. He takes me into his office while he looks to see if he can find one more and we engage in small tired our kids were after camp, the church softball game last night, the possibility of rain this afternoon. AARRGGHHH! I'm acutely aware my voice sounds strange....even to my own ears. CALM DOWN GIRL! It's not like I'm trying out for cheerleader or something ... (you see how I've gone completely back to that time of my life?)

He tells me he had a big stack but the college kids (just what I was worried about) have been coming in by the droves over the past couple of days and he just doesn't have another one. He tells me to go to another location a couple of miles away and get one there and fill it out and bring it to him on Sunday. I breathe a little bit easier when he says he really wants to get mine in ASAP. As I leave his office, I suddenly can't remember how to get out of the swinging door and then as I'm finishing the conversation I turn around to leave only to almost slam into the pole guiding customers to the customer service desk! Right in front of him! How confident and together I must look. (Uh, "Have any openings for a clumsy, middle-aged pole dancer?")

I leave the store relieved in one way and disappointed in another. Relieved to stop acting so completely insecure and disappointed not to have it all over with. I walk through the rain to my big ol' honkin' mini van-that-is-making-an-awful-noise-and-is-almost-on-empty and immediately drive to the other store lecturing myself on my insane behavior (ironic, huh?) the entire way. When I ask there, they have applications out in a holder by the front shortage at this store. Leave it to me to pick the most popular location!

I bring it home and begin to fill it out. Am I bi-lingual? Do you think it will help that I've taken 2 years of Greek? I guess there probably isn't much call for Greek in Lubbock, TX! As a matter of fact, I would guess there are people who would argue we don't even speak English here. Guess I'll check a big fat NO on that one.

How about job history? Mine is really HISTORY. I mean, George Bush WAS President the last time I filled out a job application for a "real" job, but the W was conspicuously absent. I did the best I could to make myself sound good. I worked my way through the application and then realized that job applications have changed a little in the past few years. I don't recall ever answering the question "If you were a food, what kind would you be and why?" before. Now this has me wondering....does this mean I will have to dress up as this food while I work? What kind of food gets preferential treatment? Does chicken have a leg up on broccoli? Will they make me the expert dairy checker if I say "Milk?" What is the most dependable, hard working food? Most importantly, what kind of food gets paid the most? I just don't know what the right answer to this question would be. But I settled for "hamburger" because everyone likes a hamburger and it is enhanced by side dishes but can also stand on its own. (????)

I took the application over to him this evening (I had to run to his house because his wife was cleaning out her closet and had some shirts she thought might fit me....and I took her some carpet cleaner for a stain her neice had just made with some lip gloss...) and just to show I was a person who goes above and beyond the call of duty, I gave him the extra application I had accidentally picked up. I'd hire me....wouldn't you? I was much more relaxed seeing him at his house....WEIRD. I think I'm just nervous about whether this will work out.

I guess I'll know something in the coming week. In the meantime.....If you could be food what kind would you be and why???


At July 28, 2006 10:40 PM, Blogger Pamela said...

a creme puff

a chocolate creme puff

mmm... make that two

At July 29, 2006 4:16 PM, Blogger Alyx said...

nasturtiums. A bit exotic, brightly colored, peppery plant. But I'm low maintenance, nutritious, I grow where I'm planted and I'm a solid salad ingredient. ;-)

At July 29, 2006 8:29 PM, Blogger pajamarama said...

a pork chop....

At August 02, 2006 7:48 PM, Anonymous Kerri said...

I have no idea what kind of food I would be (whatever kind can't make a decision to save it's life!), but you are cracking me up, girl! A clumsy middle-aged pole dancer? heehee. There's gotta be a market for you somewhere. :) And my best to you with the job. I'm sure the job itself is not your heart's desire, but I know you're dedicated to the best for your family! That matters a ton.
Oh! An avocado. Because it's not always friendly looking from the outside (I can be shy and I think it comes off as standoffish sometimes), but it's beautifully vibrant when you get the the middle, and best when it's not too firm, but slightly squishy. (Which means I'm perfect right now! :) )

At August 15, 2006 3:45 AM, Blogger Michelle said...

Oh that was so funny! Good luck with the job, I hope you get it! I think 'hamburger' was a great choice! I have no idea what I'd have said.. maybe a pineapple.

At October 06, 2006 9:14 PM, Blogger 5 Johnson Kids said...

I have not laughed so hard in weeeeeeeeks. okay, maybe months. Can I be your back-up dancer? Please?

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