Tuesday, July 11, 2006

The search for his "inter-self"

Twelve years ago today I was in the middle of 9 hours of hard labor brought on by pitosin. I had been so determined not to have drugs (what was I thinking?). It was my first baby and I had fantasies - what can I say? Here was a problem I hadn't counted on: I wasn't dilating enough and baby was having a rough time. The Dr. finally came in and stated *very calmly* that baby's heartrate was dropping and the stress was becoming dangerous and would we consider a C-section? Hubby and I had been so dead set against that just a few hours ago (and had been sure to let the Dr. know how we felt) and now we couldn't agree fast enough.

It had all been pretty calm around me until that moment and then things swung into fast forward and I was in the delivery room faster than a speeding bullet. That's where they gave me the EPIDURAL (or should I say THE DRUG SENT STRAIGHT FROM HEAVEN?). What an amazing relief. Anyway....that was the day my son came into this world and into our arms. He was beautiful (to us anyway).

I can't believe that was 12 years ago! He is still beautiful even though he is kind of in that awkward in-between stage right now (and he would hate that I used that word to describe him). Some days he is still such a little boy and then he remembers how much he wants to grow up and be a man. I think he's often as confused by all this as we are. The same boy who still thought it might be fun to go to Chuck E. Cheese for his birthday wants a guitar and dreams of starting a Christian Rock Band with his "homies." He's taller than I am (not such an amazing feat) and we've had quite a few talks about remembering to put on deoderant these days!! He's really exploring new interests and told us Sunday that now that he's 12, he needs to find his "inter-self." He cracks us up! :)

For a boy who didn't really talk until he was 4, he can talk my ear off these days about things I am not the least bit interested in. I try, but sometimes I feel my eyes glazing over and beginning to cross. (I know he sees it and that makes it worse!) It's boy stuff. I didn't have any brothers and when I found out I was having a boy - I questioned what I would do with him. I needn't have worried. It's been great. I love being mom to a boy (despite the fact that I don't always understand the things he's interested in). He's fun and he's simple. I'll never forget the first time he said "I love you Mommy" because I waited 5 years to hear those words. He had always told me in countless other ways, but the waiting for words was hard and painful. He's doing well now, although language (getting things from his head to his mouth or vice-versa) is sometimes difficult for him. He's learning how to compensate and I'm proud of how hard he has worked. I think it has built his character and made him a better person. They say when you have deficiencies in one area, other areas get stronger in order to compensate and I think I see that in him.

I think he IS finding his "inter-self." I hope the search doesn't take him too far off the path he is already on. He is growing into a remarkable godly young man and I am proud to be a part of his life. I pray that God continues to grow in him mightily. As my husband told me the other day - our son is a warrior. Those words are sometimes hard for moms to hear about their boys (especially as they get older - we want to coddle too much), but I know it is a good thing and an important ingredient for a man. I'm so thankful God saw fit to bless me with a boy - this boy. My now 12 year old boy/man. I'm thankful he has a wonderful man, my hubby, as an example and that their relationship is strong. How blessed am I??

Happy Birthday Bud!


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